5 Ways To Ease The Loneliness of Motherhood
Posted on Aug 29, 2018
I don’t know if there’s anything lonelier than becoming a new mom.
After a few weeks or months, the novelty of your baby wears off (yes, even when you have triplets) and the visitors become scarce or non-existent. Those surrounding you are tired of hearing how you can’t participate in the next outing or get together because you have a baby and;
- That’s his or her nap time
- That’s his or her feed time
- You’re sleep training
- Or simply that by that time you can’t function because you’ve been mothering all day.
And I hate to say it, but the world is oblivious. Oblivious to the fact that you went from a well dressed and successful working professional to a pyjama wearing food source for a baby that you’re pretty sure hates you. The invites become scarcer and people you were once super close with are no longer interested in being part of your tribe.
I wish I knew.
I wish I knew how lonely this journey truly is.
My intention for this post is to help ease the loneliness of some of the soon-to-be-moms and new moms out there. Everything I suggest here is tried and tested by me, albeit after having my triplets. I suggest starting on some of these while you are pregnant, if possible.
1. Have at least 1 (or 100) other moms as your regular WhatsApp/text friends. Whatsapp and texting is not the same as face to face interactions but I can tell you firsthand that in a moment of despair or sadness with your life, your baby, your husband, etc. a text back from a level-headed mom who has likely also been in the same situation will ease your frustration. And your other mom friends are also likely available at odd hours of the night or morning and have their phone handy.
2. Hang out with other moms that have kids in the same age group. This one was tough for me because I have so many babies to lug around but now that they’re a little older, I make it a priority to do this. The kids love interacting with each other and I love being able to talk to someone going through the same thing. What’s Maria eating these days? Does Heba take 2 naps still or did you reduce her to 1 nap? Does Arya have stranger danger? Does Safa still use a pacifier? Another reason I love this is because it often becomes funny (rather than frustrating) when both moms are at their wits end with their babies.
3. Go to the park, an indoor play place, or the mall with your baby. If you don’t have the luxury of mom friends in your area, make some! Even if you only see them once, I can pretty much guarantee the conversation you have with them will be a refreshing part of your day. I have had lovely adult conversations while pushing my daughter on a swing, or with my son at the mall. It was the human interaction that made me feel less lonely but I HAD to push myself to get out of the house.
4. Join a Facebook group with other moms. I am lucky enough to be part of a triplet mom group for all mothers who had babies in 2017. I swear to you that these women are my people. I know that they are a huge reason why I’m able to function because they are ALWAYS there to give support, suggestions, and just lend an ear of understanding. I recommend joining a mom group that speaks to you. I’ve created one called The Muslim Mom Tribe that acts as an online village for mothers to support one another. I can assure you it will ease your loneliness, even if you are someone who just quietly reads and doesn’t post much. There is so much power in learning that others are going through the same thing.
5. Ask Allah (S) for contentment and to ease your loneliness. The power of dua will manifest itself in front of your eyes.
I hope these suggestions help ease even an ounce of your loneliness. If you are in the GTA and want to organize a play date, holla at your girl!
Motherhood is lonely.
May Allah (S) reward all of the mom’s out there with Janatul Firdous.
Sudduf is a Muslim business coach and brand strategist. She works with Muslim female entrepreneurs who are struggling to create a business and brand identity that is a true reflection of their purpose-driven business. When she's not working on the biz, she's drinking coffee or tea while playing with her 17-month-old triplets. Sudduf can be found sharing the ups and downs of entrepreneurship and motherhood on Instagram.